ACK!

Wow, where did the summer go??



It was fun, (Babe Ruth World Series, baby!) but not very "diet friendly" and I am almost in a panic with how I've let the uncontrolled eating creep back in. (here I am indulging at The Melting Pot)



Bad, Mary! Bad, Mary! Ok, no more self destructing, I am ready to roll! (mmmm, cinnamon roll....ACK!) I took the first step tonight in getting back on the program, and I emailed my JC consultant- my old, totally adorable, felt like I had bonded with her, consultant- Nicole. The fact is, I don't even know WHO my consultant is these days. At some point over the summer, I received a call from Bridget, I think, who told me she was stepping in for Nicole. But then my next call was from Claire, who told me that Nicole had been promoted, if only temporarily (??), and SHE would now be helping me. And I had given my cell phone number to NICOLE, while I was in Eureka, so she and I could have a meeting while I was away, but CLAIRE got a hold of my cell phone and called me numerous times while I was in Utah and I finally called back and asked that the cell phone calls cease and what do I get? ALL calls ceased!

I'm not BLAMING anyone, this is my doing that I have "fallen of the wagon" (and eaten everything along the side of the road),

(my dinner at the Texas Roadhouse. WOW!) but I am not completely thrilled with how this whole thing went down.

Anyhowwwww- I emailed Nicole and I have confidence that she will get back to me and we will get this all straightened out. (Are you confused? You see, I am a Jenny Direct member, which means I do everything from home, not from a center.)

So I did hit my goal of losing 25 pounds and wow, it felt great! As a mater of fact, I had lost 26 lbs and then I stumbled. I slowed up on the excercise, got out of my routine, took 3 trips/vacations (2 of which were unplanned) and probably let myself have too much slack this summer and pow- 5 lbs gained over the past month. I don't feel so great anymore. I look in the mirror and I see all 26 lbs. back. But I know that is not the reality of the situation and I am taking back the control. I AM IN CONTROL!

This is a new chapter. A new beginning. And I look forward to losing 25 MORE pounds!!

Here we go!!

Almost there...

I will post again when I hit the 25 lb. mark. I am this close! :o)

Successful Camping! Week 13

I am happy to report that I still lost a half pound last week, even after consuming many toasted marshmallows (with the occasional graham cracker and chocolate), pancakes, chips, the best soft serve ice cream cone, and plenty of calorie rich drinks!

I also hiked to the falls, swam in the lake, set up a camp site, took down a camp site and walked back and forth to our "home base" camp many times. I guess it was enough to burn all those extra calories!

What is totally amazing to me is how much I looked forward to getting BACK ON THE DIET! I feel so in control and satisfied when I am on the program. I have also noticed that I feel fuller more quickly now, I have more energy, take fewer naps, wake easier in the morning. I feel so much better!

It's still hard when I catch a glimpse in a mirror and see just fat, or when the unflattering picture is taken and I think to myself, "you still have a long way to go, girl." But I feel confident that I will get there. 23 lbs is nothin' to sneeze at! :o)

Week 12 Weigh In

As is normal, after a bummer week where I didn't stay very disciplined, I followed it up with a great week and lost 2 more pounds. Yay! This brings my total weight loss to 22.5 lbs. Can't wait to hit that 25 pound mark and go get a facial!

Next week is gonna be tough. Camping. Need I say more? Or should I say s'more?!




I'll keep ya posted!

Week 11 Weigh In

Have I really been at this for 11 weeks?? Wow.

I did not lose this week, nor did I gain. I am holding steady and determined to lose next week. It did not come as a huge surprise to have not lost this week. Quite frankly, I was surprised I didn't gain. After all, I did have Coldstone not once, but TWICE this week. Whoops!

This morning I took my first aqua aerobics class with my girlie, Michelle. (thanks, chelley!) It was really exhilarating! My foot has been bothering me lately and I have not been out walking a lot, because I know it will be painful. I decided to try this water class and I really enjoyed it. Michelle and I were definitely the young ones in the class (nice to be the young ones SOMEWHERE), making it totally un-intimidating and low key. But a great work out!

I have committed to continuing with the Jenny Craig program for life (or something like that) and if any of you are considering joining, please let me know. I have 50% off for 2 friends! I would love to support you and obviously, think highly of the program.

Have a great week and remember to drink lots of water- it's gonna be hot!!

I Did It!!! Week 10 Weigh In

This week I lost 2.5 lbs, making my total weight loss 20.5 lbs! I am so excited to have hit that 20 pound mark! I thought long and hard about my reward. I love the idea of shopping in the city, but that will have to wait. I have bought a few new things, but I don't really want to buy too much because I still have more weight to go and anything I buy at this point is hopefully just temporary. The girls' getaway sounds FABULOUS and I think I may plan something like that for when I hit 40 lbs- what do you think? You wanna go?? :)

I was getting a massage the other day (payed for by a nice, little bonus from work) and Josh asked me if that was my reward for losing the weight. Seeing as I hadn't quite hit the 20 pound mark yet, I said no- but I got to thinking. I should treat myself to a facial! I love facials, but rarely indulge, so I have decided that, since I did just get a massage, and I love a challenge, when I get to the 25 pound mark, I will make an appointment for a facial. Yay!

Changing the subject- some of you have mentioned that you weren't able to leave comments. Well, I had my settings restricted, but I have fixed it now so anyone should be able to comment. Give it a try!

Have a great week and Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there! (are there any men reading this??)

Week 9 Weigh In

Hey- are you diggin' the new tunes on my blog? Apparently I have too much time on my hands and am figuring out all kinds of new stuff for the blog! Is anyone even reading? Eh, who cares! It is good therapy for ME!

What? On with the weigh in? Ok, Ok....I gained a pound this week. Shoot! Honestly, I wasn't totally surprised. It was my first full week of no work (which means more sitting around than usual), Steve's birthday (which means cake- TWICE), and Sam's graduation (which means rewarding myself with food for raising such an awesome kid- see picture).



I have let myself stray from the program and have cut myself too much slack and the results are a gain. Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever maintain once I'm off the program....

I have decided the head games I am playing with myself over this diet are messing with my success and I am going to begin to just focus on what has worked thus far. Which, by the way, is STICKING TO THE PROGRAM- DUH!

Here's to strength, stamina and success in the week ahead!

Week 8 Weigh In

Oops! I was browsing my blog and realized I never posted my actual loss for the week! I guess I was so excited about hitting the 20 pound mark, I forgot to mention that this last week I lost 5 lbs! After gaining 2 the previous week, it was great to have such a big success! It really is a "roller-coaster"! Of course, my mind set this weekend was to cut myself some slack and I made some poor choices, but I love the fact that today is Monday- a new day- and I KNOW I can do this!

Some proof

This is one of the reasons I went on a diet....(taken in Feb.)

Fat Face Syndrome. Every picture I take I try to get that neck out, hide a child in front of me, and make sure I'm wearing black. Or, as in this above photo, I requested Jenna not get my waist or below.

Check out our Christmas picture from '08. Like how I have Kaylie sitting on my lap? That was strategic.

And here's some progress... (taken in May, 15 lbs lost)

Still wearing black (that's about all I own), and my face is still chubby (still have 35 pounds to go), but on this new batch of pictures I just downloaded, I see improvement.

I also just went to Old Navy this week and bought a few new summer tops. I bought L, instead of XL. That was pretty exciting.

On another note, I met a woman today. A large woman. She told me she had done Jenny Craig for a year. It was all I could do to stop myself from sticking my fingers in my ears and humming "la la la la la....I can't hear you". I mean- I had so many questions like, "what happened??" or "why are you still so heavy??". I just couldn't bear to hear her UN-success story. People DO gain the weight back. I can't help but have that worry in the back of my mind....that I may reach my goal, only to "fall off the wagon" and gain it all back.


This is a journey and there is much to learn- no quick fix. Thanks for sharing it with me. :)

Reward!

I can't believe it! I am one pound away from hitting the 20 pound mark! I have almost lost 20 lbs. What??? I am slightly excited! Still much more to go, but I must say- this feels really good. The sense of accomplishment is exhilarating. Nicole (my wonderful JC consultant) has been suggesting for weeks that I reward myself with something- and NOT a chocolate milkshake- when I hit the 20 lb mark. I haven't given it a lot of thought, obviously it needs to be a non-food item, but I would love to hear YOUR suggestions as to what my reward should be. (and if you say a long, peaceful WALK- I will hurt you) :)
Give me your feedback!

Week 7 Weigh-In and More!

I know I am tardy in updating my blog and you all have just been DYING to get the scoop (yeah right)! The fact is, I had a rough week and was really down on myself. The last thing I wanted to do was come here and tell you all what a failure I was. I probably would have gotten out of my funk a lot quicker had I just gotten on the blog, written about my short-comings for the week and been encouraged by all of your sweet comments! But no, I sat in my fog and avoided the blog like the swine flu!

It all began with a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth. The drive down I-5 on Friday proved to be the beginning of a difficult task at hand. What to eat on the road? The problem with the Jenny Craig food is that, with the exception of the muffins and cereal for breakfast, all of the meals need to be microwaved! And since I don't have a microwave in my car, (nor are there microwaves accessible at Disneyland), this presented a problem with what to eat. I HAD to eat out. As we drove down the flat, boring highway, I feverishly thumbed through my dining out guide and- believe it or not- decided I could handle a stop through the golden arches. I ordered a hamburger and yogurt parfait and we were on our way. I snacked on some carrots and sunflower seeds for the rest of the drive and felt OK.

The next day we got up and had a continental breakfast at our hotel (I had a bowl of Raisin Bran) and headed into the park. At lunch, I had a grilled chicken caesar salad with the most processed, rubbery chicken I have ever seen. I had a churro (ummm, and finished Kaylie's- so let's call that one and a half churros), spent something like $10 on a Mickey Mouse shaped container of vegetables with Ranch dip and a bowl of grapes and had pasta for dinner.

Sunday it got even more difficult to stay on track. I never did have a soda (victory!), but clearly was not drinking enough water and was getting dehydrated. I had a yogurt parfait for breakfast and a mocha and had a chocolate covered banana for snack/lunch. We met outside of the park with friends for dinner at the ESPN Zone and I split a caesar salad and BBQ chicken pizza for dinner. I ate WAY more than necessary and my stomach hurt. But here's the kicker- after dinner, I suggested ice cream for dessert and we stumbled over to Haagen Dazs. I had a scoop of chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone. Bummer! And I got really down on myself....

The next day was Monday, we got up, indulged AGAIN in Starbucks and got on our way. I sat in the car on the long, boring, flat highway and beat myself up over the bad choices I made. I came home and was hungry and ate way too much for dinner (decided not to start back with the program until Tuesday) and went to bed again feeling sick.

The week ahead was a stressful one as it was my last week of school which means TONS of last minute projects to do and loose ends to tie up and with my over-indulgent weekend still on my mind, I became a bit frantic. I tried to stick with the program, but found myself hungry all the time. I felt discouraged and for the first time thought maybe this wasn't do-able. I felt like I had gained all of the weight back. I was depressed and over-tired.

I stepped on the scale on Thursday and found that I had gained 2 lbs. Looking back, that's really not all that bad, but when I saw the numbers go up, instead of down, I was totally bummed- although not surprised. I spoke with Nicole (my totally wonderful and adorable JC consultant) and she talked some severe sense into me. She was so encouraging and motivating and I got off the phone with a new bounce in my step. She helped me to understand that my hunger was probably a result of my body "hungering" for the nutritious foods it had become accustomed to. All of those empty calories had me "starving" in a way. She also told me that I was not failing, just had some challenges and they were now HISTORY! No need to dwell upon them. I felt energized after our phone call, went on a walk (in which I ran for 3 minutes straight) and have been going strong ever since. Today is Sunday, and although I am not supposed to weigh myself again until Thursday, I did get on the scale and found myself down 2.5 lbs.

I am ready for a new week ahead and am so thankful for those "down" moments when I gain new insight and learn valuable lessons. Plus, they are usually followed by "up" moments, which make it all worth while. :)

Week 6 Weigh In

Amazingly, I have lost another 1.5 lbs this week! That makes my grand total 16 lbs. lost! I cheated a bit this week and even did some meals on my own, but still saw the results! I am thrilled!
This weekend will be a challenge as I am headed down to Disneyland for the long weekend. Yikes! I'm pretty sure I haven't seen a "spinach salad" on any menu in the park. And how can I resist a warm churro?!?! Well, I'm not gonna stress too much. I will get lots of exercise, stick to drinking my water instead of sodas and opt for grilled rather than fried. I can do this!

Week 5 Weigh In

I lost 2 lbs. this week! Yahoooo!!! My total weight loss is 14.5 lbs and I am thrilled!

On another note- did you know that famed Jenny Craig client Valerie Bertinelli has a book out called Losing It?? I can't believe she copied me!

Feeling Groovy, Baby

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am having a MUCH better week this week! I have had lots of activity and exercise and I am feeling much more satisfied with the "diet". I feel motivated by the changes that I've seen already and I definitely feel a lot better.

It's true what they say- it's amazing how much more energy I have. That sluggish feeling of being heavy and not eating properly was really weighing me down- no pun intended.

I have gone more than a month now without a soda- WOOHOO! And I can honestly say I don't really miss it. I do, however, miss my mochas and after some discussion with Nicole (remember her? my JC consultant?) we decided that it was better to indulge in a tall, 2 pump, non-fat, no whip mocha once or twice a week than to give up the diet altogether, or feel guilty every time I caved.

Thanks for the support and I will check back in on Friday with a weigh-in update. (keeping my fingers crossed)

:)

Week 4 Weigh In

Well, my friends, it's not great news this week. It's not TERRIBLE news, but I'm not thrilled. I did not lose any weight this week. I did not GAIN any weight, so there is my silver lining, but I am not real happy with myself. I have renewed my vows with the diet and will fight on. I had an inspirational talk with my JC consultant (her name's Nicole and she's adorable) and I will do better this week. It will not be easy though, as I am celebrating my anniversary and Mother's Day and I will be at a dance competition all weekend with Jenna, with very limited access to my food. I need to be strong and make good decisions. Send me some strength and good wishes!

And Happy Mother's Day to all of you awesome moms out there! Cheers!

I Want A Divorce! (from the diet, of course)

This has been a tough week. I am completing my 4th week on the program and.... how shall I say this....THE HONEYMOON'S OVA! (that's in my best Jersey accent)
I mean, it's just getting tough. It's hard work. The food is just OK. I miss things like Starbucks, (which I indulged in today- we'll get to that later), my chicken salad sandwiches from Gimanellis, I miss the peanut butter cookies that I made last week that I finally had to throw out because no one was eating them (in-grates), I even miss-wait for it- McDONALD'S!! I know- that's so gross. I love junk food and all this salad crap is making me a bit....edgy. But if offers a good time for reflection.

Why do I give food so much VALUE in my life?
Why does the way something tastes make me happy?
Why do I want a treat when I feel accomplished?
Why do I want a treat when I'm sad?
Why do I want a treat when I'm feeling blue?
Why do I....well, you get the point.
Why is FOOD such a big freakin' deal??

The GOOD NEWS is that I am highly motivated to exercise. I watch almost every move that I make and try to turn it into a calorie burner. On Monday, Kaylie and I were in the front yard playing and I taught her how to do jumping jacks. We made a game of it. It rocked!
I had a meeting yesterday at work (which might be all of a mile from my house) and since I had to take Kaylie along, I let her ride her bike in the street and I ran beside her most of the way. (walked the rest- cut me some slack, eh?) It felt fabulous! I got home from a different meeting tonight at nearly 9pm, grabbed the dog and my man and took a brisk 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. These are the victories I am celebrating this week. They are big changes from a month ago and I am proud of myself. :)

Although, I am NOT proud of my "boo boo" today, so I will share it here and be done with it. Tomorrow is a new day. But here's what happened today:

It was a weird morning and I was super tired- guess it could have been the venture outside at 4:45 AM to get the "right" blanket from the car and then a child who wanted to sleep in my bed, but I digress. I was tired and I was fighting a little bit of a headache and by the time my class was over I was famished (maybe from being tired?). The thought of going home and fixing Kaylie and I lunch sounded exhausting. We got into the car and Kaylie asked if she could have McDonalds for lunch. It went something like "how come we never go to McDonalds anymore? I want a crabby patty, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE??" Ok, fine. I decided a little trip through the drive-thru couldn't hurt. After all, it would be one less person I had to make lunch for. I could go home, put a movie on and maybe catch some zzzzzzz's on the couch.
Well, I don't know about YOU, but just driving to Mickey D's makes me think cheeseburger. "Maybe if I don't get any fries, and no coke....just a burger. We could even hold the cheese." It was a near disaster, had I not called my ever supportive hubby, Steve. "DON'T DO IT!" And so I made it through the drive-thru with nothing- VICTORY!

Fast forward 3 hours later....still tired, still have a headache and feeling all the bit more grumpy. Josh needed a ride somewhere and that is how I became faced with my next challenge. I drove by....it was right there...(insert Jaws theme song) I WANT STARBUCKS. I want the caffeine, I want chocolate. What could a tall, nonfat, no whip mocha hurt, anyhow? Ya know, it probably wouldn't have hurt anything.....but....I....also....ordered....a.....piece....of....REDUCED FAT....(whispering) coffee cake. There- I said it. It tasted soooooo good. But it was definitely not in the plan for the day and I felt defeated after it was consumed. No cheesecake for me tonight.

And while I'm confessing- I also ate a few of the peanut butter cookies. And I also had a few bites of the apple crisp I made tonight (I should stop baking). Oh yeah, and I ate a chicken enchilada last night instead of my JC meal. (Cinco de Mayo, give me a break)

Anyhow...I'm not sure how the weigh-in will go. We will see. All I know is that I am not giving up just because I've had a few challenges this week. I will be victorious! And I am so glad YOU are reading this and cheering me on- it really means A LOT! :)

Week 3 Weigh-In

Drum roll please.............



Are you ready?


Are you sure????


I lost 4.5 lbs. this week. Total loss is 12.5 lbs! Woohoo!!


Thank you, stomach flu. :)

The Upside of the Flu

Well, this week has been just weird. I had a bunch of "meals out" scheduled and I was nervous about going off of my Jenny Craig food. The first order of business was a reunion with some old friends from my class last year. It was at the fabulous Stacey's downtown and since it was a late gathering, I decided to eat my Jenny entree before I went and when I got there, I ordered a lovely spinach salad, minus the bacon. It was delectable! I drank lemon water as we sat outside in the 80 degree weather....it was simply fab.

Fast forward a few nights later when I was to meet yet another group of old friends for dinner at the not-quite-so-fabulous Chili's. Don't get me wrong, I do love Chili's, but I knew it would be slim pickins when it came to healthy alternatives. I decided to go ahead and eat my meal there, because after looking at their menu online, there was not even a healthy salad choice! Although, they do offer a "guiltless grill" section, so I picked a chicken sandwich with steamed veggies, devoured it, drank my lemon water and chalked this one up as another victory.

The very next night was going to be a treat. My dear friend Michelle had planned a very special birthday dinner (in my honor) at her home and, as a side note, she does not know that I am on the Jenny Craig program and I'm not sure she'd approve, but that's another story (love you Michelle!). So anyhow, I decided this would be my splurge. After all, I had not splurged even once and this was a special night. Well, not to get into the gory (sp?) details, but as I tried to enjoy the yummy food, my stomach was just not having it. At first, I thought my body was rejecting the indulgence simply due to the fact that it was more food than I had eaten in weeks, but in fact, I had come down with the stomach flu. Wow- it was bad. But the silver lining here is (cover your eyes if easily grossed out) all those extra calories were down the drain! Seriously though, I don't know how people purge on purpose-yuck!

So I have not been eating much of anything this week and I would expect to have a substantial loss. I just hope that when I do get my appetite back, I can keep it under control and not get too psyched out if the numbers go up a bit and balance out.

I'm headed out the door with Steve, Kaylie and the dog for an easy walk. Weigh in is on Friday- we'll chat more then. :)

Week 2 Weigh In

Ummm, something must be wrong with my scale. It says I've lost another 3.5 lbs! That makes 8 lbs in 2 weeks! What?? The goal is 1 - 2 pounds per week. I am stoked! It must be all of that cheesecake I'm eating. ;)

Dessert, Please!

Did you know that I get to eat cheesecake on this diet?? Seriously....cheesecake. I can have a piece everyday if I want. This is the best diet EVER! Cheesecake!!! I mean, if I am having a moment, I just think to myself, "no worries, you'll have your cheesecake soon and everything will be OK." Cheesecake.

Perhaps that's how I got here in the first place. I tend to make things all better with treats. And boy did I find that out plain and clear a couple of days ago! Josh and I had gotten into a heated argument and it ended with him saying some pretty hurtful stuff and me literally in tears. It was bad. And as I stomped around the kitchen not knowing quite how to handle myself, I got a mad urging for sweets. The box of Easter chocolates (See's, at that) was sitting in plain view and I'll be darned if I didn't walk right over as if to eat one (or 5)! I was CRAVING the goods. I looked around for what else I could shove in my mouth that might not do as much damage as the candy. I remember thinking, "what are you doing??", when it really hit me. I am a total emotional eater. I guess I've always known that, but I'm not sure I've ever really watched it play out in such detail right before my eyes! I was very aware of what was going on. And I stopped myself. I took a deep breath and really analyzed the situation. I am telling you, it was powerful.

Anyhow, I am just completing my second week on Jenny Craig and I absolutely LOVE this program! (after all, I get to eat cheesecake) I told someone yesterday it was the "lazy man's diet", but I would like to publicly take that back. There is nothing lazy about what I am doing. Granted, it sure makes it easier to have all of my meals (and desserts!) in the freezer, already prepared, BUT, I am working hard to stay in control. I am resisting urges to eat when I'm happy, sad, depressed, tired, etc. I am walking places instead of driving! I am going out with friends to the best restaraunts in town and ordering spinach salad. I am giving up Coke. I am trying to like Lattes instead of Mochas. These are big things, people. And I am doing it. Yay for me!

I weigh in tomorrow....I will let you know. :)

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

Nearly 20 years and more than 60 lbs. later.

It's time for a change!

Week 1 Weigh In

Just got back from a great walk! I have officially completed 7 days of Jenny Craig. I have lost 4.5 lbs. Woohoo! I know this will not be a normal weekly loss, but I am stoked! Here we go, week 2!

I like to MOVE IT, MOVE IT (not really ,but I'm gonna anyways)

What?? You say I have to exercise, too? A handful of you have asked what I am doing for exercise and with good reason. Of course, everyone knows to be successful at weight loss, you need to be physically moving, too. Ask anyone who has lost weight and kept it off for years and the answer is always, "eating right and exercise". Oh why couldn't I have been one of those genetic mutants who just IS skinny, naturally? High metabolism, whatever.

Ok, so I need to get active. And my answer to you is this. I am walking. I am walking in the evenings with Steve and Kaylie. We haven't walked every night, but my goal for now is every other night. Remember....baby steps. If any of you are embarking on this journey with me, let it be known that if you put too much pressure on yourself all at once, you will most likely fail. And you will feel defeated. And you may become discouraged. So take it slow. I feel victorious in the "food" part of this and I am working on the "move it, move it" part.

p.s. If anyone wants to walk with me, respond with the time and place and I will be there! (barring any previous commitments to these little rugrats I call my kids) :)

Little Victories

Day by day. One day at a time. That is the only way to do this. I am completing my 3rd day on the program and I feel good! If I look at the big picture, it can seem overwhelming and 3 days seems like nothin'! But this time, I will take it little by little and celebrate my successes one moment at a time.

Today was (still is, I suppose) Easter and it was a day I was dreading. Not from a "my Jesus has risen and I am forgiven- HALLELUJAH!" aspect, but because of the yummy treats that would, no doubt, be tempting me. It is a day typically spent with the whole family at mom and dad's. That means lots of GREAT food. I was anticipating the temptations and dreading the "deprived-you can't have that" feeling. But here I sit after 8pm and I feel victorious! I feel as if I was able to use my knowledge of portion control, eat the delicious food, but not over-do it. I skipped the homemade rolls and the pie for dessert. I didn't eat one piece of easter candy and even resisted the yummy cupcakes that I baked! And it wasn't so bad! I felt satisfied and content in the knowledge that I am making choices to return to a healthy me! I am excited. I am encouraged. I can do this. :)

The Beginning

So here I sit. My Jenny Craig food is put away and I contemplate the journey that I am embarking on. I must admit, I am freaked out. I am worried that I will fail (again). I am dreading that hungry feeling, the shakes, the headaches. A wise man once said nothing worth doing is ever easy. This will not be easy, but it is definitely worth doing.

My story begins likes this. I was never overweight as a kid. As a matter of fact, quite the contrary. I was tall and skinny and I remember my grandma telling me that I was so lucky~ I could eat whatever I wanted and stay so skinny! I guess I took that to be the truth, when in fact, it has become a lie that has haunted me for nearly 20 years now. Maybe it began when I was 16 and my first job was at the ice cream parlor. I loved that job. I worked every weekend my last 2 years of high school and completely indulged in the "perks". I LOVE ice cream. People would say "you must be sick of ice cream" and I would just laugh. No way. No how. As much as I would like to be sick of ice cream , it will never happen. It's kind of like those people who are "addicted to the gym". Oh, how I wish this was me. (sidenote- if one more person does in fact state to me that they are addicted to the gym, or to running, or to pilates, I may just punch them in the face- out of pure jealousy, of course. You "gymmies" have been warned.) I have spent the last few years coming into my own and accepting the very way I was made. I am totally type "B", which is good in many situations. I do not stress out easily; I am calm, mellow, easy going, laid back. I have no problem relaxing. The problem is, I may be TOO mellow, causing laziness to set in. I lack motivation when it comes to my health. I would rather take a nap than take a walk. I have no one to blame but myself. I just don't get into the uncomfortableness of exercise. My mind REMEMBERS that it sucked last time I went for a run and I don't want to feel that again. Hence, I am overweight and out-of-shape. And being overweight hasn't bothered me all that much for the past 10 years or so. My husband keeps his sweet mouth shut on the issue, friends are kind and unspoken and my kids don't seem to love me any less. But as I stepped on the scale last week and hit an unmentionable number, (i will mention it when I'm good and ready) I just felt sick. I WAS sick. I AM sick. My blood pressure is high, my cholesterol is high and I have recently been put on meds to control both. WHAT?? I understand my grandparents being on these meds, even my parents, but ME? I am 38 years old. I feel like I'm 60. My body aches. My knees hurt, my back hurts. And I have way too much more life to live to go around feeling like a big blob. I want to know my grandkids and be one of those cool grandmas who does all kinds of fun stuff with the kiddos. (like MY mom- who is type A, a regular walker, totally fit and a bit diet "obsessed", but that's another post).

So here goes. I start tomorrow. My goal is to lose 50 pounds. (yikes!)