I Want A Divorce! (from the diet, of course)

This has been a tough week. I am completing my 4th week on the program and.... how shall I say this....THE HONEYMOON'S OVA! (that's in my best Jersey accent)
I mean, it's just getting tough. It's hard work. The food is just OK. I miss things like Starbucks, (which I indulged in today- we'll get to that later), my chicken salad sandwiches from Gimanellis, I miss the peanut butter cookies that I made last week that I finally had to throw out because no one was eating them (in-grates), I even miss-wait for it- McDONALD'S!! I know- that's so gross. I love junk food and all this salad crap is making me a bit....edgy. But if offers a good time for reflection.

Why do I give food so much VALUE in my life?
Why does the way something tastes make me happy?
Why do I want a treat when I feel accomplished?
Why do I want a treat when I'm sad?
Why do I want a treat when I'm feeling blue?
Why do I....well, you get the point.
Why is FOOD such a big freakin' deal??

The GOOD NEWS is that I am highly motivated to exercise. I watch almost every move that I make and try to turn it into a calorie burner. On Monday, Kaylie and I were in the front yard playing and I taught her how to do jumping jacks. We made a game of it. It rocked!
I had a meeting yesterday at work (which might be all of a mile from my house) and since I had to take Kaylie along, I let her ride her bike in the street and I ran beside her most of the way. (walked the rest- cut me some slack, eh?) It felt fabulous! I got home from a different meeting tonight at nearly 9pm, grabbed the dog and my man and took a brisk 30 minute walk around the neighborhood. These are the victories I am celebrating this week. They are big changes from a month ago and I am proud of myself. :)

Although, I am NOT proud of my "boo boo" today, so I will share it here and be done with it. Tomorrow is a new day. But here's what happened today:

It was a weird morning and I was super tired- guess it could have been the venture outside at 4:45 AM to get the "right" blanket from the car and then a child who wanted to sleep in my bed, but I digress. I was tired and I was fighting a little bit of a headache and by the time my class was over I was famished (maybe from being tired?). The thought of going home and fixing Kaylie and I lunch sounded exhausting. We got into the car and Kaylie asked if she could have McDonalds for lunch. It went something like "how come we never go to McDonalds anymore? I want a crabby patty, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE??" Ok, fine. I decided a little trip through the drive-thru couldn't hurt. After all, it would be one less person I had to make lunch for. I could go home, put a movie on and maybe catch some zzzzzzz's on the couch.
Well, I don't know about YOU, but just driving to Mickey D's makes me think cheeseburger. "Maybe if I don't get any fries, and no coke....just a burger. We could even hold the cheese." It was a near disaster, had I not called my ever supportive hubby, Steve. "DON'T DO IT!" And so I made it through the drive-thru with nothing- VICTORY!

Fast forward 3 hours later....still tired, still have a headache and feeling all the bit more grumpy. Josh needed a ride somewhere and that is how I became faced with my next challenge. I drove by....it was right there...(insert Jaws theme song) I WANT STARBUCKS. I want the caffeine, I want chocolate. What could a tall, nonfat, no whip mocha hurt, anyhow? Ya know, it probably wouldn't have hurt anything.....but....I....also....ordered....a.....piece....of....REDUCED FAT....(whispering) coffee cake. There- I said it. It tasted soooooo good. But it was definitely not in the plan for the day and I felt defeated after it was consumed. No cheesecake for me tonight.

And while I'm confessing- I also ate a few of the peanut butter cookies. And I also had a few bites of the apple crisp I made tonight (I should stop baking). Oh yeah, and I ate a chicken enchilada last night instead of my JC meal. (Cinco de Mayo, give me a break)

Anyhow...I'm not sure how the weigh-in will go. We will see. All I know is that I am not giving up just because I've had a few challenges this week. I will be victorious! And I am so glad YOU are reading this and cheering me on- it really means A LOT! :)